Tag Archives: Healing

The Loss of Our Baby👣

Hello Everyone,

I must admit that it has been a long time since posting anything I wrote myself. Plenty has happened and I need to begin by giving God all the glory and thanks for His preserving and sustaining me all this time 🙌🙌💖!!!

So during my time away from writing, I got married to this amazing man who continues to be my best friend as we walk this journey of faith. His encouraging words to me to write this post keep on ringing as I type. He encouraged me by reminding me of what one of our friends (Doug Feavel) felt I could do when I shared my story.

What is my story? Well, in 2019, we welcomed the news of our expecting our first child!!!😇😇😇 The next few days and weeks were filled with excitement and eagerness for the delivery of this gift. This, however, did not last long.

Over a month into the pregnancy, complications began that led to an emotional battle that I have never experienced before in my life. I recall making promises to God of what I would do for Him if He saved my baby. This is what I wrote down asking God during the last week of the second month…

….”Well, if the baby lives, then that would be a better miracle to talk about. Where is the hope in the loss of a baby? Where is the victory here?

Lord, I have had the comfort in blaming others for my past pain. Now I know deep within that this is your doing. How do I blame you? I am running out of hateful words or thoughts towards you

You have proved to be big to me. Very powerful. Able to do whatever you please. How do I fight that?”….

I will be honest to say that my mind was going crazy during this season. Anger and bitterness towards God were my earliest emotions. One day after a visit from the doctor’s, I had got into a cab from work having noticed some bleeding. My heart was feeling so broken and as the helplessness increased I wept out loudly in that taxi as we went home. The driver turned on the radio to a gospel station, with words failing him. Luckily, we used a highway with few cars where my loud crying could not attract much attention. Upon arrival, I wiped my tears, paid him and thanked him for the trip.

Yes, my baby. I may have not known the gender or even had a clear scan, but I consider my loss as one who has lost a child.

Around two weeks later from that day, I lost my baby. On that day of the loss, I woke up with so much bleeding. A friend had referred us to a different Gynecologist (who would be the 3rd specialist that I saw). I called my boss to let them know that I would not be reporting to work. My husband and I then left for the check up. The Gynae had a busy schedule and the queue at his clinic was quite full. We left for lunch while the cramping feeling was increasing. When we got back, my husband decided to let the attendants at the clinic know that we had an emergency but they ignored us. So we sat at the corner seats waiting for our turn.

A little while later, the pain increased so much that I began screaming. Since the Gynae was still seeing a patient, we had to still wait. I wriggled and wriggled on my seat with loud screams in the sight of a full waiting lounge… When the Gynae got available, I stood up but quickly returned to my seat when I realized my jeans was wet. A woman woke up and came to my aid seeing my shyness of walking to the office. She was a blessing!!May God bless her wherever she is!!

In the doctor’s office the pain could not allow me to sit. I was on the floor in so much pain. The doctor quickly did a scan and confirmed that the loss was ongoing. A wheelchair was bought in and I was rushed to a nearby hospital to have an operation to finish the process.

Upon arriving, a pain killer in a drip was injected into my body for faster relief and clothes changed ready for theater. When the theater staff later came to get me, they came with their own bed. Upon lifting me to it, I realized that I had left a considerable amount of flesh on the casualty bed. Oh my heart!! Oh my heart felt so ripped apart. “Was that my baby?”, I asked within myself. No one even mentioned a thing as we moved to the theater room. Hours later, the operation was done.

My baby. Our baby. God’s baby. I do not have answers of why things happened the way they did. What I know is that am still healing from that experience. I carried bitterness within against God for quite some time and at times I feel I still do even now. Even now, there are moments I weep as I recall the events.

I will be honest to say that even with God blessing us with a child last year (2020), I still desire the one I lost. I miss the one I lost. To me, I lost a child. I may not have known the gender but to me it was a baby who only lived a few weeks.

Not really sure of the next years but my hope is that God will continue to carry me when my heart fails me. I look back and see God’s mercy and grace. My husband has been a blessing. May the Lord heal him too!

I finish this post speaking to the one going through a similar experience. God is good. He is faithful and works out everything for our good and for His glory. Yes, the memory will always be with you but be assured of God’s love for you though it may not feel like so at the moment!

May the Good Lord keep us and sustain us!!

Worship! Worship! Worship!

Hello!!

Anyone like these song below?

What about this other one?

Well, I like them both!!!!😇 Today Travis Greene will be ministering in Nairobi. I had no intentions of going before but my spirit got really stirred up this morning listening to the Team Leader of the group in charge of this event in my favorite radio station. I have been listening to the adverts for some time now but no interest arose in me about attending. That changed this morning.🤗 I bought the ticket as the conversation continued between this Team Leader and the radio presenter.

“Worship is actually war to the enemy”, the Team Leader said. I recalled my own warfare. The times I cried. The times I cried as I listened to the two songs above. I put them on rewind during the nights to help me go to sleep. The picture of myself with a wounded heart on my bedroom floor brings tears in my eyes as I write this post this morning. God has brought me through hurtful experiences which all humans go through at different stages of life and at varying levels of pain. The experiences may be similar in terms of the themes but the effect on each person is completely different. There are a lot of dynamics on how people react to their surroundings. Mine was more of crying as I listened to some worship music (not high beat ones) and even sang along to the lyrics.

But when I look back right now, I smile!!🙏💃💃 Speaking of smiling, this crazy video below just makes me laugh hilariously😀😂

I needed that distraction, I was becoming too emotional. So now going back to the story, as the Team Leader spoke, I recalled the victory in my life. Victory when I needed God’s mighty hand in my circumstances. Then I examined my current situation. I may not be crying as before but I do need Jehovah to come through for me in various areas just like any other human creation in the universe. I cannot confirm fully that my victory came from the singing but I know it contributed to the change in my atmosphere.

This post is dedicated to those in dire need of God’s power in very troubling circumstances. I will say try worshiping God through song. Just try. This may not be the normal prescription given but it is one that some disciples once used. It has been tried and tested and it worked. This is recorded in Acts 16:25-40
25 About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. 26 Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everyone’s chains came loose. 27 The jailer woke up, and when he saw the prison doors open, he drew his sword and was about to kill himself because he thought the prisoners had escaped. 28 But Paul shouted, “Don’t harm yourself! We are all here!”
29 The jailer called for lights, rushed in and fell trembling before Paul and Silas. 30 He then brought them out and asked, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”
31 They replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household.” 32 Then they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all the others in his house. 33 At that hour of the night the jailer took them and washed their wounds; then immediately he and all his household were baptized. 34 The jailer brought them into his house and set a meal before them; he was filled with joy because he had come to believe in God—he and his whole household.
35 When it was daylight, the magistrates sent their officers to the jailer with the order: “Release those men.” 36 The jailer told Paul, “The magistrates have ordered that you and Silas be released. Now you can leave. Go in peace.”
37 But Paul said to the officers: “They beat us publicly without a trial, even though we are Roman citizens, and threw us into prison. And now do they want to get rid of us quietly? No! Let them come themselves and escort us out.”
38 The officers reported this to the magistrates, and when they heard that Paul and Silas were Roman citizens, they were alarmed. 39 They came to appease them and escorted them from the prison, requesting them to leave the city. 40 After Paul and Silas came out of the prison, they went to Lydia’s house, where they met with the brothers and sisters and encouraged them. Then they left.

I am very encouraged and looking forward to the worship experience tonight. I have been having questions about my future. I have been asking God to let me know of my future and reveal to me how best to position myself (in my mind, spirit and heart) to be in His path to enable me fulfill my purpose on earth. My soul desires to do things God’s way. Yes, I set my plans as a mortal but I want only my Heavenly Father’s plans to succeed in my life. I want to hear the King of Kings and Lord of Lords speak to me. So I will go to the place where He can be found. The place of worship!!!

My heart is very expectant of my Lord’s doing through his Holy Spirit. That will obviously be a post one day!!!

My Beloved Reader, May the God of Abraham (covenant-keeping God), the God of Isaac ( God of Impossibilities) and the God of Jacob ( God who transforms), meet you beyond your point your need as you worship His Holy Name!! May He forgive all you sins and heal all your diseases, May He redeem your life from the pit and crown you with love and compassion. May He satisfy your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s!! Amen and Amen and Amen!!!!🙌

May God so richly bless you and keep you for eternity that you will spend with Him!! See you next week Friday!🙋

#Worship #God #Hopeforyouandme